Here is what Ruth wrote: Something I’ve become aware of recently is that I’ve pretty much lived for others. I’ve been the

one who gives and gives until there is little left to give. I give to my husband, John. I’ve been the

“good wife” and the “good mother” that he expects me to be. I realize that I need John, and I’m

afraid he might leave me if I change too much. I’ve given my all to see that my kids grow up

decently, but even though I’m trying my best, I often worry that I haven’t done enough. When I

look at my life now, I don’t like what I see. I don’t like who I am, and I certainly don’t feel very

proud of my body. I’m very overweight, and despite my good intentions to lose weight I just can’t

seem to succeed. I enjoy eating and often eat too much. My family nagged me as a child, but the

more they wanted me to stop, the more I seemed to eat, sometimes to the point of making myself

sick. I make resolutions to start an exercise program and stick to a diet, but I’ve yet to find a way

to be successful.

One of the things I do look forward to is becoming a teacher in an elementary school. I

think this would make my life more meaningful. I worry a lot about what will become of me when

my kids leave and there is just John and me in that house. I know I should at least get out and get

the job as a substitute teacher in a private school that I’ve wanted (and have an offer for), yet I

drag my feet on that one too.

One thing that troubles me is my increasingly frequent feelings of panic. I never remember

feeling that bad. Often during the day, when I’m at school, I feel dizzy, almost like fainting, and

have difficulty breathing. Sometimes in class I get hot flashes, and then sweat profusely. At times

my hands tremble, and I’m afraid that others will notice this. There are times when I wake up at

night with my heart beating very fast, in a cold sweat. I feel a sense of doom, but I don’t know

what over. I get scared over these feelings, which just seem to creep up on me. It makes me think

that I might be going crazy.

I worry about death—about my dying—a lot. As a kid I was motivated by fear. Nine years

ago, I finally broke away from my strong fundamentalist church because I could see that it was

not me. A philosophy class in the community college years ago got me to thinking about the values

I was taught. When I was 30, I made the break from the fundamentalist religion that I had so

closely lived by. I’m now attending a less dogmatic church, yet I still feel pangs of guilt that I am

not living by the religion my parents brought me up with.

\My parents haven’t formally disowned me, but in many ways I think they have. I’ll never win

their approval as long as I stay away from the religion that’s so dear to them. But I find it more

and more difficult to live by something I don’t believe in. The big problem for me is that I so often

feel lost and confused, wanting some kind of anchor in my life. I know what I don’t believe, but I

still have little to replace those values with that I once lived by. I sometimes wonder if I really did

discard those values.

As part of my college program I took a course that was an introduction to counseling, and

that opened my eyes to a lot of things. One of our guest speakers was a licensed clinical

psychologist who talked about the value of counseling for people even though they are notseriously disturbed. I began to consider that maybe I could benefit from getting some counseling.

Up until that time I had always thought you had to be mentally ill before going to a psychotherapist.

I see that I could work on a lot of things that I’ve neatly tucked away in my life. Yet even though

I think I’ve almost made the decision to seek therapy, there is still this nagging fear within me.

What if I find out things about myself that I don’t like? What will I do if I discover an emptiness

inside of me? What if I lose John while I’m getting myself together? I so much want magical

answers. All my life I’ve had clear answers to every question. Then nine years ago, when I became

a questioner to some extent, I lost those answers.

What I most want from therapy is that the therapist will help me discover the things I need

to do in order to change. My fear is that I could settle for a comfortable life that I have now, even

though a great part of it drives me nuts. Sure, it’s boring and stale, but it’s predictable. Then again

it’s uncomfortable to be where I am. I’m scared to make the wrong decisions and that in doing so

I’ll ruin not only my life but John’s life and the future of my kids. I feel I owe it to them to stay in

this marriage. I guess I’m trapped and don’t see a way out. Sometimes I wonder if I should turn

my life over to God and let Him take over. I so much wish He would take over! I don’t know what

lies ahead. I’m afraid and excited at the same time.

Required

To counsel Ruth on paper using the information from her autobiography using the psychoanalytic

approach.​