A summer alone
The sound of the beach sand is much louder than usual, or maybe I am just noticing it more because there are no more distractions. All I ever knew were people around me, or someone's voice filling my day. But now I've made myself hyper-aware of the fact that I'm not near people anymore and that all I have is the internet and shows to see the "real" world. I would never think of a lot, just what I needed to get by in life, but now I'm alone I started to think about everything and driving myself crazy. "Do I drink too much milk?" "Why does my face feel like that when I smile?" "I forgot how I look like again" "How does my skin color even look like, I feel like my hands and face have different shades.'' I don't know about anything anymore. This summer is my last as a high school student and I have a lot on my mind and because my family has money I asked them if I could stay in our beach house for a week to clear my head, looking back it wasn't the smartest idea to go alone I feel even worse but I think it's for the best to get over this loneliness now then when I'm older with even more on my plate. This past year all I did was do the bare minimum and lay on my bed the rest of the time. I tried to fix it but it was like a never-ending cycle. "HEY RUTH!" oh my beach neighbor is up early, my parents asked him to look after me to make sure I'm ok, not sure why he's not the safest person, I always saw him as the klutz of the group. "Hi Blaise, good morning" "Oh someone is in a better mood this morning, good morning" "I noticed that you looked off when you came over for lunch yesterday" "what do you mean?" "come on ruth I know you better than that, even when we were kids when you had a resting face you were smiling' "really? No one ever told me that" "well it's true! So anyway, do you mind telling me what's wrong? We are childhood best friends after all" ''I...I don't know" I wish I could just tell him but I don't even know what's wrong to tell myself let alone another person. "Mhm..I understand but do you what to do something" "I would love to but a distraction is not what I need right now I need to be alone i...figure out what's causing this" "wow you did grow up huh..you never used to sit and think before you always just did stuff without a second's thought!" "Yeah you're right.." "ok I'm going to go but if you need anything you know where to find me" "thanks Blaise you're a good friend' "bye ruth I hope you find what you're looking for and come over tonight we're having a barbecue" "I will thank you, bye" Just like that I did it again, why do I keep doing that?? I never would have done that last year, what is going on with me... I think I just need to eat something. As I walked in, I felt the cold air that made my whole body shiver like a ghost just walked by. I tried to make myself feel better with a cute breakfast, but it made me overthink again, and I started to cry from frustration. "Why did I turn out like this? Isn't this summer my last to be young and carefree? Why am I obsessing over every little thing? I should be going...I don't have any friends...I push them all away.I'm alone again..where do young lonely people hang out?" I sighed as I went to wash my face but I knew I wasn't done so I started to cry again, good thing I'm alone or else this would be ever hard to hide, I try not to cry in front of people not because I like to act "tough" but because I find it awkward to try to explain what's wrong with snot coming out of your nose and them just laughing then you start laughing and it makes it seem like you're ok but you still deep inside you're not, so I don't cry in front of people unless it benefits me in some way. I'm just going to go eat my food with a romance book. I said I didn't want distractions but I need a break from this thinking. I went back outside and did what I wanted and felt better, maybe... it's just in my head, or I need a therapist, Nah I don't need one this can be fixed if I stop overthinking everything I do! Yeah, that's all...see was that that hard!...Ughh why am I like this!!! Oh shoot, I almost forgot about that barbecue and need to get ready now. As I was getting ready I couldn't ignore the fact that I felt ugly..again one of my overthinking things. What do I do? I'm confused, if I think about it I'm always confused.
Explanation:
In the end, she went to therapy and lived happily ever after yayyy
