Please help I will mark brainliest so I'm doing an essay and I'm stuck with my introduction paragraph can you guy please help me. and the second picture is my teacher comment about my thesis statement but I'm not understanding what she mean. PLEASE HELP!!

First off, your teacher’s comment. Leave out, “honestly.” You can just say, “I feel as though it is getting worse as time goes on.” Make sure you have research, proof, evidence, statements, anything that will show pollution is getting worse and/or better.

Introduction paragraph:

Can you imagine not being able to use clean water on a daily basis? Numerous people around the world don’t have clean water to drink or to bathe in. Industrial water pollution has been a problem for quite some time now, and it has yet to get better. It seems to get worse as time goes on. Because of water pollution, many citizens in the rural areas of China are left with unsanitary water. This water contains large amounts of bacteria. these citizens aren’t the wealthiest, leading them to have a hard time solving this issue on their own.

You’re original introduction paragraph was amazing, just needed some extra punctuation <3

Bolder words good luck