Hope this helps :3
Explanation:
Analysis: Lit - Baca.Always Here
Abstract/Summary:
While the thesis statement has severe problems in concision, it is defensible and understandable.
Assertions are sound, defensible, and clarified in scope. However, the thesis statement is not clarified in
scope, and therefore does not provide an ample frame for the assertions. This issue prevents the thesis
statement from scoring a 4.
Criterion 1: Thesis
The lengthy thesis statement must be considered the following three sentences:
In I Am Offering This Poem, by Jimmy Santiago Baca, the poet is giving the idea that love is
providing you with all that you need, for example guidance and comfort. When in love, humans tend
to feel safe and as if they belong, knowing there is someone that’s always there that cares for them.
Love is not something humans can just dispose of: it most likely will always be there.
This thesis statement has several problems. First of all, it is long-winded and unclear. (Writing is
understandable, but not clear.) The second and third lines of the thesis (where the thesis traditionally lies)
do not discuss the poem at all, but give a general impression of love. The writer does not clearly state that
the poet believes these values.
Moreover, these three statements mirror the three assertions, and mostly rephrase the assertions instead of
presenting ONE clear idea that is an umbrella for the assertions. This indicates that the thesis statement is
not clarified in scope; the reader does not clearly see the limits of the argument.
A better thesis statement would read as follows:
In “I Am Offering This Poem” by Jimmy Baca, the speaker uses poetic devices to make his
declarative definition of love: neither passionate or consuming, true love ultimately gives humans
safety, comfort, and most importantly, permanence.
While hardly flawless, this re-written thesis statement more clearly articulates the position of the paper
(that the speaker offers a specific definition of love) and offers a clearer umbrella statement which the
assertions can (and do) prove. This rewritten thesis statement is clarified in scope; the original one is not.
It is also important to note that this revised thesis completely addresses the prompt (level 4 in thesis) while
arguments can be more for and against this criterion for the original thesis.
The student’s thesis is vaguely defensible because it states an argument—namely, that the poem presents
the central idea that love is permanent and provides a sense of safety and comfort. This is not an obvious
truth about the poem (claiming that the poem is about love would be), but an argument and conclusion
based on analysis of the poetic devices. (It is not, however, insightful or nuanced.)
Criterion 2: Assertions
The major limiting factor of these assertions is their arbitrary order thereby also receiving a three in
assertions. Paragraphs are interchangeable and do not build on each other. If the writer thought more
clearly about how her arguments built on each other, she could make a stronger point. For example, the
paper might have been better served by an organizational structure that started with the most foundational
device and progressed to the most nuanced. A chronological sequence of assertions would most likely
be strongest as it would allow the author to analyze the intentional shifts in meaning, language, and craft
throughout the poem.
With the exception of an arbitrary order (explained more thoroughly in Organization), assertions are
defensible, and ideas and writing are understandable (but not clear, which is a level 5).
The assertions are not complex because their meaning needs to be teased out and is not particularly
focused:
• The idea that love makes you feel safe and as if you belong is conveyed by the author’s use
of imagery.
• Love is knowing that there is that one person who will always be there to protect and care for you
is illustrated by the poet’s use of sound devices.
• The speaker’s employment of figurative language produces the idea that love is feeling sheltered,
and not something that you can just dispose of.
These are sound and strong assertions, but they are missing a specific qualifier to connect the poetic device
to the claim: what about the imagery? What about the sound devices? How does the poem use imagery
to present the idea that love is safety? The reader doesn’t know the core of the argument by reading these
assertions. While not every assertion in all papers need to give the entire reasoning behind a claim, in this
instance the reasoning’s absence hampers the strength of the assertions, making them too simplistic.
Complex assertions would present the information immediately, clearly, and without ambiguity in a single
sentence. Then, the paragraph would provide evidence to back up the assertion made. (See the Yeats paper
for examples of this.)
If the first assertion was rewritten to be more complex, it might look like this:
The author’s use of warm, comforting imagery reveals love as steadfast and safe.
