Please help!
Where's your evidence/quote?
what are you persuading your audience to do/not to do? Right now, this sounds like an informative essay, not a persuasive/argumentative essay.
Where is the thesis statement? What are you asking your audience to do/not to do in order to solve the problem of animal abuse?
Seems like you're trying to fit your entire essay into your intro. Your intro should just have a background in your topic.
What does this have to do with the rest of your essay? Feels off-topic.