Would love some feedback

as a student, writing has always been difficult for me because i don’t put the necessary time and work that goes into developing a great essay. however, this approach has not aided me in improved my writing. after reading randall pinder’s “process writing, i can truly say that i have gained a new perspective on how to look at writing not as a daunting task, but as a form of expression.

first of all, i realize that becoming a better writer won’t be a walk in the park. as stated in one of the principles, effort improves all writing and we shouldn’t wait for inspiration to come to us. using this principle, i should write with ease without inspiration or even an idea, and it would gradually find me. spending as little as 10 minutes in jotting down whatever is going through my mind, brings me one step closer. putting in the time every day in building my writing that i can’t get any other way.

secondly, there is undoubtedly always room for improvement when it comes to writing. i have usually written assignments and just turned it in without even a simple revision of what i just wrote. knowing that i’m not the writer that i can be yet, i ought to continuously seek improvement in my work. though it may not the best of the best, just simply broadening my horizons will do me more good than harm and can also give life to writing that may be needed.

thirdly, i think the most important of all the principles is that you are more than words on a paper; you are more than your writing. i see this principle as a remainder to not be so invested, whether it be emotionally or physically because it won’t always be there. knowing that i possess the ability to create anything i want but i can still be myself when writing isn’t there. the girl who laughs at her own jokes, soft spoken unless it is about something that sparks her interest and who is not very fond of dogs.

in conclusion, pinder’s four simple principles aren’t just guidelines or ways to become a better writer, but rather it is a step by step guide on how to find yourself inside and outside of the writing world. it can even be applied to other areas as well, not just writing. these principles have been far more than i thought they would. throughout pinder’s four simple principles, he tells us that there is always room for improvement, effort plays a major role in writing and never let writing be your validation or sense of belonging. by simply keeping these pearls of wisdom with us, writing can be a smooth boat ride.

I gave you that rating because some things could improve. Not bashing your work, but just adding in some friendly advise :)

Just from viewing your writing and seeing how you have combined your ideas and information, your transition words stuck out like a sore thumb :/. In simplest terms, the transition words you used ('First of all...', 'Secondly...', 'Thirdly...', 'In conclusion...') came off just a little bit bland. Don't panic, this could be easily fixed! :) Just add a little "spice" to your transitions ('To start off...', 'in addition...', 'Nevertheless...'. 'To conclude my thoughts...').

   2. Elaboration

This wasn't that much of a big deal, but most certainly deserved to be up on this list. Everyone likes to read interesting books and writings that pop with entertainment, but no one prefers the long "blah, blah, blah..." books. In simplest terms, paraphrase what you have up there into more elaborate sentences. Along with that, take out any unnecessary sentences or phrases in the writing. Try not to run off of topic as well :)

  3. Heartfelt Topic

After reading this outstanding piece of word you have presented, I couldn't help but notice how heartfelt your topic was. Your reasoning for the ideas were presented beautifully in each relevant sentence. You put the perspective of your writing in a problematic and realistic way that would have readers understanding you, word by word. Absolutely beautiful and I admire you for that!

below i present a summary with the most relevant aspects of chapter 2, which were taken from karangan bahasa inggeris (english essays) spm: argumentative essays.

tuna wira

credit to mohana ram murugiah.

i hope to be of

teacher smiles at the students who wait for his signal to sit down. he nods briefly and the students sit down and get ready for the lesson to start. there is an air of quiet expectancy when teacher refers to the unusual things found underneath their houses that morning. whispers of bags of rice ran among the students and a student muttered reluctantly that the rice is rent for the landlord. this starts off the discussion on the issue of paying rent for the use of the landowner’s land. da wan raises the question of why the landlord owns the land rather than the farmer although they have spent a lot of time farming it. the three reasons of labour, need and inheritance are listed as reasons for the landlord’s ownership of the land. they are discussed and dismissed as inadequate reasons. they suggested a system of collective farming to the farmers. the headmaster comes down the corridor to observe the lesson. teacher very quickly changed the lesson to a geography wesson. the students followed his cue and no one gave the slightest notice < of the headmaster ‘s presence. when the headmaster leaves, teacher explains the implications of winning the scholarship. it involves bearing respontsibilities and the scholarship holder should master what is useful and return to the village. he should understand the injustices in the present system and change it to a fairer system. then, he announces the wiimnuir of the scholarship to be dawan.

- "when these words are put together to convey a meaning it is known as a sentence. a sentence is a group of words that makes complete sense. placing of words in a sentence is very important. the second sentence is a question."